Motherly Advice

I don't know what I was thinking when I thought that, once I became a mother, my mother would stop mothering me. That is so far from the truth, and sometimes I think that, while she is sitting out at her house, puttering around and taking care of my Dad, my Mom comes up with new ways to torture me.

I keep trying to remind myself: she isn't going to be alive forever, so don't wish that she would shut her mouth.

But those little reminders that try to shout through to the surface always get stifled by the voice that keeps screaming "SHUT UP, MOTHER!!! You HAD your turn!!!"

Case in point: The day I decided to allow my oldest child to have her own Facebook account. We have been telling her no for a number of year because what does a pre-teen/teen need a FB account for anyway? I caved this weekend, and I wouldn't really call it "caving." I would call it "letting loose of my micromanagement skills".

Then my Mom gets the friend request from her granddaughter. And I received the phone call no more than 24 hours later.

"So ... I see that M has a Facebook account."

"Yes." Pregnant pause ... like, nine months pregnant and overdue.

"hmmmm". Her method of saying "I disapprove" without actually saying it. But I wasn't taking the bait. I just waited.

"Well, I hope you realize that when M is older and has children of her own, that you know you can say when you approve or don't approve of something. So I am going to say it: I think that is a terrible decision, Meredith."

I wasn't going to get into a debate with her. I wasn't going to argue with her because she has this way of getting terribly defensive, communication breaks down quickly, and then she is in a snit for days over it. I told her that I had everything under control, that I had M's password, and that I had already gone in and altered her privacy settings.

"Well, I am sure you have a handle on it right now, but BAD things can happen when she's on there". Needing a definition of "bad", I asked.

"Don't get all lawyer on me. I've said what I needed to say, I don't approve of it, and that is that. I am not going to argue about it with you." I told her I wasn't arguing, that I was merely asking for clarification on her definition of "bad".

"Well, you can have control of it now.... but wait until she becomes smarter than you at it, and you won't know what she's doing then." Nice.

Here's my advice to you, mother: If M goes "bad", it isn't going to be because she had her fall from humanity on Facebook. And I just listened to a voicemail left by my mother about five minutes ago, who wanted to know why she can't find M's friend request on Facebook anymore. She doesn't want to make M "feel bad" even if "she doesn't approve of the decision".

And I am not calling her back to let her know that the account has since been deactivated because the child has a C in math.